Jack is four weeks old as of today. I’ve started a few blog posts in the last few weeks, and all of them have gone unfinished as I’ve been pulled away by parental duties and never made it back to the post in a timely fashion. Being a parent of two is hard work! Especially when one of the two is attached to me like a barnacle.
In the last few days, Jack has really started smiling and cooing a lot. He’s actually been smiling for the last couple of weeks. I know that social smiles aren’t supposed to start until five or six weeks of age, but this kiddo was really looking at me intently and smiling from a very early age and that’s been absolutely lovely. But in the past couple of days, he’s opened up and has started smiling at his sister, his dad, or just at a toy dangling over his head. The first few weeks of parenthood are so grueling, the smiles and coos really do a lot to soothe the stress.
Being a second-time parent has been a very interesting experience so far. Everyone says that all babies are different, and that’s something we’ve definitely learned to be true. Jack and Eva are different babies in almost every way. Eva was colicky; Jack is easy-going. Eva slept large chunks of time at night from a very early age; Jack is up at least every hour all night long. Eva was content to sit in her own filthy diapers indefinitely; Jack hates everything about the excretory process and diaper changes happen constantly and are stressful for all. Eva refused to be worn in a baby carrier; wearing Jack in a carrier is a sure-fire way to calm him and get him to sleep. Eva hated the swaddle; swaddling is the only way to get Jack to sleep in his crib.
In some ways, it’s been easier this time around. It’s wonderful to have a baby who doesn’t scream his head off constantly. I have a ton more confidence as a mother this time around because I can diagnose his problems almost instantly — I can almost anticipate them much of the time — and I know what to do to soothe him. With Eva, we never knew how to calm her down; she was just inconsolable. But two things have made this endeavor a particular challenge for me — 1) trying to juggle Jack and Eva at the same time; 2) Jack’s inability to sleep at night is taking a huge toll on me emotionally. There are days when I think I need to call someone and get on antidepressants right away. Then he’ll sleep a little better that night and I’ll be fine the next day. Until I can get two hours of uninterrupted sleep at night, I think I’m just going to be a basketcase half the time.
But the biggest unanticipated challenge for me has been managing my relationship with Eva. Up until four weeks ago, Eva was the center of my universe. Now, no matter how much I love her, she can’t be the center of my universe.
I figured that being displaced would be hard on her, but I had no idea how hard it would be on me. I miss her intensely and there are times when I feel heartbroken that our relationship has changed. But I also see her lavishing her love on Jack too, and I know that I’ve given her something else in exchange for that altered relationship with me. I’ve given her a new relationship with a sibling. And that’s something that will only grow and get richer as they both grow up.
So we’re all working on adjusting, and it’s getting a little easier as we go. Change is hard. But just like Eva was worth every minute of her screaming, all this will be worth it too.
